April is the month that i wanna forget for this yr in my entire life. Been completely down for most of the days in this month. Well i was completely down because of her. I have gotten over it now and life's pretty normal i guess now. I dunno whether what i haf done is correct or wat but i've decided to keep the feelings within me. Guess im not gonna tell her or wat. When u like someone, u just hope that he/she will be happy n u dun haf to be together. I understood that phrase completely for the first time...lolx...she noes how i feel towards her but i guess i dun like the idea of confessing these things to her..haha...im just being simple...i dun want the aftermath of it...like if things go haywire or positively regardless of the outcome, i just dun like to be facing the situation. my wish is simple...hope that i can lead life the simplest way i can ever find. for some, u may think that im selfish in a way but life's full of journeys. Either u set one on the road or u stay home and write novels; writing about ur chapters in life which u tink its memorable. Memories are the sweetest thing that can decipher emotions and reactions. When u tink of the ol' days, ur bound to smile and say "ah...its that moment that i like in my life". By triggering these memories, ur landing in ur own dreamland...a thing or two that happened will haf its reasons. I believe nothing happens for no reason. When u get back to reality, it really hurts...somehow u just wish that u can live in ur own memories..
both of us will be going out together after our exams, dunno where to go...but told her to decide..kinda lazy to tink of places to haf fun...im glad that i haf frendz like her...i dunno if there's such thing as boy-gerl best frendz but i hope to make this happen. rarely u find boy-girl best frend these days..a wonderful person...just like personality...
will be having my traffic police test next wednesday...and i just cant sleep tinking about it yesterday...haha...was worried for the parking part....parallel and vertical parking...freaked out this morning too coz dreamt that i saw an accident in front of me...hope there's nothing to do with my tp test..also will be having class chalet at aranda on this 18th-20th...if i pass..mayb i can rent a car...haha...that wud be so nice....blaw test on friday...then got fpd and ecom...going to be yr3 already...pwah....so fast...watched dawn of the dead with dan just now...the movie was sucky, plain and hopeless...its like similar to resident evil...the "dead" were zombies walking around looking for human flesh, casts were no namers, simple plot and budget i assumed. THe movie just sucks..tot it was entertaining..but most of it looks kinda fake...wasted my money again...haiz....there's no gd shows also...watched 50 first dates last week..and that was funny...its a nice show...especially with adam sandler in it...
oh yar...played soccer on monday after my qm paper...i played during the second half only...oh boy...we lost 1-3 again...haha...conceded silly goals...hai...then my face bled during the match after heading the ball...there was blood oozing on the left cheek...it was so unsightful...shouted at the blardy ref to let me off pitch to wash my face...ran to the toilet n before that got this girl who was there...was like...scared when she saw me..haha...if i noe that time, i wud run to her and scare her off somemore...hahaha....so washed my face in the toilet and took some toilet rolls to stop the bleeding. went back to the pitch with the stupid rolls pressing against my cheek....after awhile the game was over...such a gd timing..haha..it wasnt bleedin already...blood kinda frozen..tink it was my white blood cells stopping it..
im getting tired...tink i need some rest...ciaoz..

Protect ~ 12:24 am

Been lazy lately to update my blog..well anyways gotta do it someday eventually. having my quality management paper tmr...haven do my benchmarking assignment and haven studied for the theory part. tonite gonna bia those and also mayb sleep late..but having my papers in the morning tmr..wahaha...hopefully i can wake up...my body's aching coz of soccer i played on friday...played against npfc...and we dun even haf a sub...so i had to play the full game..and gladly i made it. its tough playing a full game against them coz they are so fast and their ball control is gd.we lost 1-3 to them but it was a gd game..kinda competitive and i tink we did quite well...was only 0-1 during halftime...we lost concentration during the last 10 minutes and they were able to capitalise on it. played left wing on that day...had to run up down to help defence and attack too..haiyoh...just reached home from studying.studied with lynette,dan and jane.then melo came but we want to ciao liao..so they went to melo's house to study somemore and do their benchmarking assignment while me and dan head home coz there was nothing much to study liao. so tired...got another match tmr too..feel like sleeping...ZzzzZzzzzZzzz

Protect ~ 5:58 pm

Got flu again and again..it just keeps on coming back to me...damn it..!anyway my first paper will be starting on this thurs...GLM...still haven study for it..but going to start studyin tomoro...also gonna go down to bbdc to update my stupid pdl so that i can book my tp test asap...been wanting to go down and update but was just too lazy to do so...haha...had school today but it was only for like 20minutes...went there to present my forum posting and then ciaoz home...went to sleep straighaway and woke up b4 7...was too tired...tink partly was becoz i was sick?im still waiting for my episode 31-40 coz my bro cancelled it yesterday nite...hai...if he didnt cancelled it, i might be enjoying my time now..haiyoh..still got an hour more to go...sianz...naruto is damn gd...haha...damn addictive...small kid samurai cartoon...my frendz have been watching it but didnt interest me as i haf absolutely no idea..till we went to dan's home to watch it...coz we were so bored...having a match against npfc this friday and hopefully i will be well by then..really want to play for the team...missed two games liao...hai...next monday still got another game..wahaha...going to be yr3 already...its so fast...was just a freshie back then..and now...one step closer to yr3...then graduation..haha....and after that...the most dreaded word for me...NS!ok gd...the dl is speeding up...hehz...no school tmr...but got lessons on wed-fridays...hai...how sianz can it be man?

Protect ~ 11:41 pm

Tired ah!!!gonna sleep back!

Protect ~ 9:18 am

No lesson today!yea!!!haha...didnt go for my squash training too...im just so lazy today....didnt want to go out actually...
just want to remain at home and be a gd boy. watched my 7pm channel U drama again...but didnt get to watch fully as ppl came to my home for religious class..had this religious class eversince primary school..but it was meant for the ladies...not for guys lah...so all the aunties come....sianz...so haf to be in my room till around 10+ ...
slept at 4+ yesterday...coz cant sleep!!then woke up at around 1+ today....sleep till damn song...hhaha...nothing much to blog also now....been downloading naruto...watched a couple of episodes only...sianz...but its nice...the only thing i dun like is that the screen always like shaking...damn..

Protect ~ 9:56 pm

I cant sleep! This is so infuriating! I need to be up at 6...and here i am still awake! I tried to sleep at 1+ but i just cudnt enter my dreamland! Got a long day in school tmrleh...again..coughing is the culprit here. Now listening to perfect 10 and also waiting for my downloading naruto episodes to complete. Also nothing much to do now...so sianz..mayb i try to sleep later again...
A very true conversation which we always hid in our hearts and never
> >voice it out until...............
> >
> >
> >If you see me walking the road with someone else
> >It's not because I like his company
> >Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
> >
> >If you hear me talking about him all the time
> >Its not because he pleases me
> >Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat
> >
> >If you feel me falling with someone new
> >Its not because I love him
> >Because you're not there to catch me fall
> >
> >If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
> >I too don't know where the road is going
> >Are we gonna cross each other's path
> >Or just completely turn around?
> >Will we just let go of what we had
> >Or go to the place where love is bound
> >
> >Don't let me walk with him
> >It's you I want to walk with
> >Don't let me talk of him
> >It's you I want to talk with
> >Don't let me fall for him
> >It's you I want to fall in love with.
> >
> >
> >"THE ANSWER"
> >
> >When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
> >I was behind you every step of the way
> >Still filled with awe because of the beauty
> >that stands before me
> >
> >When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat
> >I didn't want to assume anything
> >And I was afraid to lose our friendship
> >
> >When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
> >It was because you never gave me the chance
> >You never reached the bottom, you've already
> >grabbed a branch
> >
> >If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost
> >I too don't know where the road is going
> >Are we just going to turn around,
> >Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
> >Will we just let go of what we had
> >Or go to the place where love is bound?
> >
> >Don't let me walk alone
> >I want to walk by your side
> >Don't let me talk of something else
> >It's you I want to talk with
> >Don't let me fall for someone else
> >It's you I want to fall in love with.

Protect ~ 3:27 am

Hey Hey!im back! Well never go to chinablack today as derek didnt turn up. Nvm about that..wasnt in the mood too when i reached meridien. Met up with dan and his pals there to play pool for awhile and then met ahlian n her frend nearby. Had macdonalds at centrepoint and slacked at mos burgers. Kinda sianz today...dunno y i went out also..haha..anyways ah lian and her frend joined us again at mos burgers and slacked there till around 2. they went home and we went to ps to catch a show. Haha...two of us watched MY GIRL!!Finally we were abled to watch it as i've been wanting to watch it but didnt haf the time. It was a 2.40am show and the show was nice....those old memories of mine during early childhood days and stuffs cropped up in my mind during the show. Too bad its THai, they shud make a singapore one too man...guess singapore's one will be dull as all that they will be concentrating is studies..hai...too bad...we had no choice since we were singaporean. well decided that i will not club till after the exams and will not haf anymore late nites too...time to stay home and study or wat...exams are around the corner. Wat a boring day..oh yea..not going out tomoro..staying home and rot....

Protect ~ 5:36 am

I haf just bathed and now prepared to leave home for orchard!tonite im going to let loose man...the angst...everything..i wanna try to forget them for tonite. im lost...need something to guide me back man...and it better be fast. every seconds is accounted for and anything that i do does not really reflects who really i am..im not myself for the past few days, been pushing my body to the limits even though im sick and i dun usually do that. now im bearing the consequences of it. Im still coughing and still haf a lil bit of fever..but im not going down conceding myself to it...im going to enjoy life as it was. i found that i've been so fake to myself.not giving myself any chances and taking things for granted. oh shit...im going to be late...meeting dan 930at orchard mrt station....gotta go now...will blog again when i cum back from clubbing...

Protect ~ 9:04 pm

Im back home from school.had french and sab lesson....been laggy in french and didnt noe much about the lesson. Was totally clueless and blur. Not in gd mood today also. Shiming having problems with gf and he told me mayb wanted a silent break...i dunno...ppl around me are like having problems...felt i cud do more to help them but i cant.i can only tell them this and that. im really in no mood today after getting home...dunno later wanna go chinablack anot. if go i tink i surely chiong until i wanan forget who i am. is that feelings coming back to me?felt betrayed...felt the angst in me...
been asking myself questions...y am i bothered with it?life's as sucky as before. that's it!

Protect ~ 2:27 pm

its a gd friday today!no school!!yes yes yes!cant sleep yesterday nite as i was coughing all the way...i managed to sleep at first but the cough just came once...and it a series of it...broke up in cold sweat and kept coughing...cough till i puke....ran to the toilet bowl to puke and sniffed the axe medicated oil...i tot was i going to die yesterday nite...hiak hiak...i had this drug addict face yesterday with my mucus dripping..hehz...sounds so disgusting man...eeewww..haha...then managed to sleep at around 2+am. song man...woke up at around 1 today. had nothing to do for today till gavin smsed me wishing me gd friday and stuffs...so asked him whether want to go to starbucks for coffee.met up at around 3.50pm at northpoint.went to starbucks but it's completely full...so went to walk around. he's still the same ol' gavin...fei mao!haha..:p...guess he wud kill me if he were to read it...hopefully he wun haf the time..just donated 500,000 neopoints to him...i dun haf time and interest for neopets anymore so might as well be charitable and gif it to someone who needs it more than i do...haha...lent him my basic and final theory books as i dun need it too...passed the tests and now waiting to book my traffic police testdate...kinda sianz...need to go down there to update my pdl which i've been wanting to do...but didnt haf the time and passion..haha...ate pocky the chocolate flavoured...then pringles sour cream and onion...then fries and biscuits...oh i had porridge for lunch as i was coughing...and its been a week liao...dunno when i will get cured..but hopefully its asap....need to be well again...i have lessons tmr...sianz....french and sab...sucks man...got presentation as well for tmr(sab)...and just did the project today for my part...and still in progess by other grp members..tmr gonna go home straight after school and mayb go chiong at nite...chinaBLACK! well it all depends on my condition tmr....if im still coughing non-stop..dun tink i want to go there...it will worsened my condition...but alot of ppl are going tmr...already missed last week...dun tell me im missing this week too...haha...kinda happening this yr...last yr was happening in school...played soccer n stuffs....oh yea...talking about soccer..im playing next thurs in school main field...playing for club alliance...im playing left back...haha...hope can slack thru the gamelah...dun like to run much...saw my squash captain yesterday...he diao me....coz i haven been going for trainings for the past two weeks..bo bian...missed becoz of sickness and school activities...and the squash courts were like empty yesterday....my ps2 games will be arriving this sunday!!!wohoo!! pro beach soccer 2, winning eleven 7, mafia, rally and romance of the three kingdoms!!!im so gonna be busy with my games...haha...haven been enjoyin myself these days...so its time to indulge in games!!!and also freaking sick...stay home and enjoy!

Protect ~ 12:26 am

Thurs...the day that has only 4hours of lesson. but i went for two hours only...coz cudnt wake up on time for the other..went for qm tut. got this campus run today at around 5+. so i didnt go home. went to accompany dan cut his hair at jurong west near my malay grandma's house...then ate nasi lemak there as dan said it was nice. after that wanted to go to bbdc to update my pdl so i can book my tp test date...but didnt go coz i was lazy...so end up at dan's home again..played online games, ate ice cream and went to provision shop with him as his mom asked him to buy beers. then we were walking back to his house, sort of haf this idea to drink also..haha...so went back and bought tiger. drank in his room and goodness...we are going to run later.!!still drink!!haha...dun care man...after finish drinking..walked towards bustop and took 154 to school...the bus journey was sibei sianz...anyway reached school about 4.40 and went straight to table tennis storeroom as wang was there...left our bags there and went to meet kenneth,miah and amanda at the gallery in the stadium....there were so many ppl and its like....all of them seems so pro...haha...and we were like just running for fun..so i was the 5th runner...it was damn funny..kept suaning down there...suan here suan there...no one's business..after the run..i was feeling pale...butt cramped..haha...then cramps here and there...kept coughing after that...geez..that was too much for me...felt like vommitting upon coughing....im still sick..but then still run....even sacrifice my badminton tournament on wed just to make it for this run...had the cough for a week already..and its still not cured...medicines were depleted and i can only depend on breacol now...
well was feeling kinda emotional on the bus to bukit batok. thought about the times we were together outside. it just came across my mind...i had no control over it. i guess the whole thing is very funny...knew her back again from last yr nov 15, then she confessed to me saying that she liked me before...me and her haf 10 yrs of friendship together but didnt contact each other for 6 yrs as both were missing completely..uncontactable...knew her thru friendster. then from then on till a week ago...we were like super best friends...confiding in each other in times of need...but now after that she knew that i liked her...everything seems so distanced...so far...unreachable at times...i dunno y it happened...but mayb its also becoz of her projects...she's occupied and stuffs...after she knew, our contact was so minimal that i was like worried....wat happened to the old times that we shared as friends? as for now im trying hard to contact her less often as i wanna lose the feelings that i had for her...i tink the way things haf brought upon...we cant be together....and i have never experience the feelings of liking a chinese girl so much....i've lost touch for these things...hope that i wun get involve in bgr again...its too much for me to handle...to be single and haf no feelings for a girl is the best!that's wat i desperately need right now....single..i am....haf no feelings for a girl....im tryin my best to do that...

Protect ~ 9:42 pm

wohoo!!!!wednesday is here!!did my presentation with dan in class just now and planned q & a session with pals. Well somehow we were the longest grp to present coz we were the last one for today..damn it! went to eat at bukit timah market near school with kian haw driving...and afterwhich went to dan's home to slack for the day. never attended QM lecture coz it was fuking boring there. slacked at his house till 2+ before going to orchard...haw drove us there..haha..was at pie then went to steven's road. dropped near lucky plaza and ate at macdonalds with derek. went home straight after that. it was raining when i reached yishun and didnt least expect the weather to be liddat..went home to play cpu and chatted with a new frend.told her about my problems and stuffs...was glad that she at least listened to me...coz as we were perfect strangers i didnt expect her to gif much attention to me. nonetheless she did and i can say she's an open person.tat's gd...i like open person...thx for listening to me!oh then went to chong pang to order jersey with shiming. im playing for his team n i chose number 2 for my jersey...im playing left def in his team. i dun want to play midfield..nvm let me die playing defender.haha..ok enuf about the shit...now im like half dead...just been to a kopi session with shiming...lalalala...nothing to talk about now...time to go off

Protect ~ 10:20 pm

Lets start off for today! I was sick yesterday and it was better today! anyway had no lessons today...lucky me...or else i haf to drag myself to school!!!and it just sucks!i haf this presentation tmr and i still haven start on it!!!gotta start soon and it guess its pretty short and fast..it's about 5 minutes and stuffs...so gotta talk nonsense with daniel for presentation tmr. today i was the king at home!!haha...actually didnt want to lah...mom trimmed my nails for me, cooked egg specially for me and etc. i just shared pringles with mom and sis just now...pizza flavour!yummy!its been a long time since i ate those and even drank vanilla coke!oh yea...im supposed to be avoiding all these...but i dun gif a damn...i control what i want and what i do...hehez...definitely not gonna play badminton tmr in the evening after school...going home straight after that and slack at home..i just realised that there's this new drama serial on channel U at 7pm...i've forgot what's the title but its a nice show..so my aim is to be home almost every weekdays before 7pm!i love hong kong's serials!!mom and me watched it just now...haha..my mom and me loves these shows!furthermore her horoscope and mine are the same!Gemini!i love my family...my father even though we never chatted much....my mother who's always taking care of my needs and finance(hehz)...my brother who's always busy going out but missed him...words need not be mentioned between brothers and my sister who is always using my lappy..haha...my journey in life hasnt been kind to me lately. was quicksand in my feelings and thoughts...cant overcome it...but now somehow i've surpassed that...mayb its becoz i stayed home and sort out my feelings...there's only a few more weeks to the finals..and i need to be studying soon and forget about all da problems..

Protect ~ 8:29 pm

A sick start to a new week.!! Was sick since last thursday and well the stupid virus just cudnt be eliminated from my vulnerable body. Practically speaking, i endured the whole day in school today. had splitting headaches and my voice were like muffled...it became softer and hoarse. But my appetite was gd today at least to say. Ate nasi lemak in the morning then buttered rice and pratas after fpd tutorials...after eating we got like an hour break. went to sports complex to play pingpong but was chased out by another stupid incoherent obnoxious and retard badminton teacher. so in the end, we played bball...!!!i dun like bball but what the heck man...just play lah...after that went to blaw's lec at LT28 with business students...and i just realised something...all were quiet but when they were turning to the next page of their notes...*&%$^$#@ all the noise came about...wth! anyway its been a long time since we attended mass lecture...blaw lecture was the worst man!i had headache and were like tinking whether want to go home and rest anot...kept coughing the whole day too...and all the coughing is killing my throat and lungs...its hurting my body badly...cant even sleep now coz of the coughing...tmd...flu is settling in...shitz! gonna haf blocked nose tmr...played badminton and won this lecturer who doesnt noe how to play but at least he can hit some shuttles..supposed to play the second match but then dunno which blur cockanathan organiser missed me out...said he got called out my name but i didnt hear it!!!i was in the hall all the time and was quite pissed...expect me to play on wednesday...dun tink i will be playing on wed...i need to recuperate at home. need plenty of rest and sleep...took a cab home from bukit timah plaza. inside the cab onwards....darn...i was feeling super duper lousy and drowsy...felt like puking and also had the stupid splitting headache...it was tormenting my journey home. before that got sms her asking her how she felt coz she went to see doctor today...then she replied that she was ok and stuffs..then i replied saying that i was feeling terrible. she called me shortly to check on me and like were telling me the phrase- see what i told ya - she reprimand me just now. told me y i still go and play despite being sick and stuffs...asked me to sms her once i was home. kept asking me whether i was ok anot? told her i was not ok..fainting soon...no kidding...i sounded so half dead when talking to her just now...at least i noe that she cared for me...yea!and now i kept coughing and coughing...tmd...so sick of being sick!time to get well soon...

Protect ~ 11:03 pm

I have decided that she will be my gd frend for now. Im not going to confess my feelings to her till im 19. Let me have plenty of time to think. Mayb that's how she treats her gd frends. Yesterday met her at jurong east coz she was two trains behind me. So might as well wait for. She was feeling very tired yesterday and she lied on my shoulder for awhile while waiting for the train. Im kinda used to it. Also its normal for frendz to lie on my shoulder coz even Jane got lie on my shoulder tat time when went out with jane they all during ktv..so its NORMAL..thx Jane for helping my sort out my feelings. i wudnt haf tink about it if u didnt lean on my shoulder. went to the doc at nite yesterday because i felt worse after waking up from my evening sleep. told my mom that i wanted to see doctor and she asked me quickly to see as it was 8+. There wasnt many ppl there and it took very fast to see the doc. Doctor gave me medicines for fever, throat infection, antibiotics and cough syrup. the cough syrup is useless as everytime i will never consume it...coz its syrup..lazy wanna take the stupid spoon and gulp it down my throat. well i just woke up and ate my breakfast...took my medicine and gonna sleep again. Felt even worse today. body's hot and my lips were super dry,even my breath is hot...its been a long time since im sick like this. and usually it takes days for me to recuperate..hopefully im fine by next monday. i will try no to tink about her that much since i wanna regard her as a gd frend. but the problem is can i? and also my frendz will be asking like, "she how?got ask her anot?" and that will just destroy what i wanna achieve. how i wish that they can keep quiet and let me haf a peaceful mind. gonna bug my parents for car once i passed the license..haha...dun care...dad kept asking me when is my TP and i told him i haven booked yet...dun care...bug them till i get what i want...firstly im the youngest and secondly it will be a family car...so i have every reasons to be driving one..wahaha...ok enuf of it..time to lie on bed

Protect ~ 10:46 am