Same old stuff bothering me again. Gosh...need to get out of this cycle. Got home from school at 4+. coz i had to be home early straight after school. Mom nagged at me early morning and again when i reached home saying that i've been going out alot of times and been coming home late...daddy not happy also...hai...so for these few days tink i'll be at home straight after school...no nite activities and stuffs. Also its a gd thinglah...coz i felt so tired and need REST at home....gonna sleep later...nowadays kept sleeping in mrt. Den sleep for awhile also i can dream...my mind's afterall always working non-stop...cant it just rest?let me haf a gd long sleep...tink my mind's twisted. hai...life...
signed up for me badminton tournament which is going to held next week on monday and wednesday...still haven train but mayb gonna train on sat or wat....need to get my strokes back coz i haven been playing badminton for a very long time. Badminton is still one of my favourite sports coz i just like to smash at ppl. Then the look on their face...haha...spastic huh? watever....i just want to be happy naturally..hai...mayb sports is the only way out....i wanna forget everything..completely..but felt funny...im going to be busy next week...monday badminton tournament, tues squash training, wed badminton tournament if im still in..then on thurs i got this campus run in the school...representin my course...life's so happening to me but im still feeling down and out...without sports, i tink i might just breakdown easily. i just hope everything.....anything that i asked for....will be obliged...sleep

Protect ~ 5:08 pm

Felt abit better today. Went to school to return the stocks to this computer guy. Lost 11 items which was quite shocking. Kinda sucks about that..but my mind's wasnt on that anyway. Went to ktv at partyworld today with jane, melo, lynette, miah and amanda. Then daniel and his frend joined us for awhile. After that ate at Thai express. The world's crashing down on me now. I can do nothing about it. Im just so helpless, dunno what to do, feeling lost and terrified. Terrified of losing a frend. Haf been tinking of taking up bike license but my mom wudnt allow me to do so. But i really want to take bike, hoping that i buang or wat, then it wud just solve all the problems that i had. Found out that i've been feeling miserable and its just not getting any better although i put on a brave front. I might be smiling and stuffs...even to the extent of making ppl smile but me myself, liked to bottle up my feelings. I might not be sharing my problems anymore as its mine and i tink i can handle it on my own. I think that no matter how busy i am, the problem just surfaced as if it's there for life, registered! life kinda been on a down for the past few days and i tink it will continue going downhill till to the extend that i might just breakdown one day and then kaPOM! Everyone has problems and i dun tink i want to bother them anymore. i dun want sympathy. i dun want anything. what i want is to be freed. Freed of all the troubles that im having. Things were looking fine but now its getting out of control. shud blame myself...i brought about this myself. i've been lacking of sleep for these days and the energy that is remaining is just so gonna be gone. i must rest at home for these following days. Mayb i also dun want to on my hp. Dun want ppl to disturb me. let me be alone in peace. im so weak. a pathetic weakling. 2004....i wud want to forget completely. a yr of problems and dramas. gonna sleep.

Protect ~ 1:07 am

Definitely its one of the worse days in my life. Never have felt so low..super low before for the past 2 yrs. Also i was feeling so shagged when i reached school...i was standing at clementi bustop and its like i nearly collapsed...i was tat tired!! i need a rest...plenty of rest...it was a hectic week last week...and hopefully this week i dun haf to do much. I dun wish to talk about what happened today to me but i can say that it has greatly affected me in one way or another. Depressed till wanna fully vomit! stupid health...hope everything ends including me.

Protect ~ 11:12 pm

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Protect ~ 9:22 pm

Today!
Well i woke up at around 11+ today suprisingly early coz i went clubbin the nite before...and slept at around 4+? Went online and chatted with miah for awhile...then decided to go to orchard to play pool there at lucky plaza at around 2.45pm. We played till around 5 and then ate at this foodcourt beside mambo. I ate laksa there and miah ate the prawn mee...then we walked down to ps but in between bought ice-cream sold at the roadside and slacked outside heeren for awhile...coz we were eating ice-cream. Messaged her and she was duno where..tink was playing pool with her frendz after her ktv session...oh ya...went to orchard/somerset with her coz we were going the same way...met her at khatib and then ciaoz...then at ps, me and miah began to talk some serious business...miah was like advising me wat to do and so..telling me about the pros and cons..yea...thx miah for everything..although it boils down to me only...but i wasnt having much confidence for myself...then miah suggested that i met her for awhile before her dinner just to confess my feelings to her..as she was eating dinner there with her younger sister and her friend...hai...her frend drove anyway...so kinda felt dulan abit there...i mean when u haf vehicle its like there's FREEDOM?...sianz man....but before that we slacked at bk and talk talk talk...talk about this issue etc...well she called me at bk but asked miah to pick up the call as i was feeling damn sianz...really felt like shit...dun feel like talking to her...yea...that type of feelings..ok then she met me...and i didnt tell her how i felt..kinda felt shitty after that too....and she was asking me..y wanna meet me?i just dun care...hai...after that played arcade, played the sega rally..haha...damn fun...super fun...before that miah ate at yoshinoya...i didnt eat..no appetite at all....then also talked somemore about this stuff..hai...its like neverending..its always the same old thing again...i felt that mayb i shud forget the whole thing including her..?i want to be freed of this problem and then be myself all over again..i might be doing this...Alot of ppl have been telling me that i stand a chance being with her but i just dun tink so...its lyke i always doubt myself...and giving myself more problems...hai....i cant stop tinking...my brain's just cant rest...this thing can lead to another..that type of thing..yea...so wat shud i say?mayb i can try not smsing her or call her for this whole week and see how thing goes?only if she sms me then i wud be like replying her question only...then shiming was saying that i was being unfair to her...and he also said that ...its always unfair in this world...after playing arcade went to coffeeshop with shiming near our house and talked for awhile...kinda felt low today...super low..went home and now blogging...
SAT
had the bazaar in school and it was the last day..so im not going to emphasize much on that...reached home at around 6+ and then went out again at 8.30pm. went to 7-11 near my house to buy sandwich for her coz she didnt eat much and she was feeling hungry...took cab to pick her up near her place and went to zouk...we planned to go clubbing today...so met up with ivan, derek, yuhui,dan, yuhui's frendz and dan's frends. the queue was blardy long and i was sianz on the spot...freak man...but managed to go inlah...entrance was free and drinks were free too...haha...so just slacked there for awhile. then went to the dancefloor at phuture and it totally sucks....house music was like so slow...damn...she didnt like the music and neither did i...she grabbed me by my arm yesterday the whole time and its like ppl will think that we were a couple...seriously..so yesterday she was my part time gf...the after awhile...we had enuf and me,ivan and her went to chinablack..joined the queue with ivan's frendz. so we jumped queue and managed to get in pretty fast...haha...shiok...there the music was better and danced with her throughout the nite. there sometimes she wud put both her hands lying on my shoulder as if slow dance...and me put my hands on her waist lah..slow dance for awhile...haha...then normal dance dance...and she always beat my chest...hai...what's her problem man? she beat me, so i tickled and poke her...then around 1+ we went out of chinablack and slacked at macdonalds..sat there and waited for my frendz from zouk to arrive. tot can send her home but she went with another grp of frendz for supper...sucksman...i dun like frenz leaving halfway...yea...when my friends arrived..kinda signalled to her that my frendz are here..and she can meet her frendslah...i kinda pissedlah...but what can i do?tell her not to meet her frendz and spent time with me? she also got massaged my shoulder coz she owed me...and she did a gd joblah...not bad..next time can ask her massaged for me leh...her nails got scratched my hand...so suay man...damn...now its ok already...after she went off..i was still at mac with derek and dan...waiting for ivan to come out then took cab home..reached home around 3+ and slept around 4...was so blardy tired and stuffs...coz firstly i had no enough sleep, secondly been busy with the preparations for the bazaar and thirdly body's aching coz went to gym on monday...so that was wat happened on sat nite....i dun tink i wanna talk more about it...just keep it to myself ....
why?
well my near-vomitting sickness is back again...felt like puking every now and then...there's something wrong with me..well it happened that time but was ok after awhile...and now tis back again this week..i shall not tie this up with a problem or wat coz i seriously dunno....kinda felt that there's a difference in me....its just no longer me..never experienced this since the day i was born...but now..its like so normal to me!!wat in the world is happening!!??im just so tired and sick of what im doing....y? y? y? y am i behaving this way? Sheesh....i try not to contact her again...

Protect ~ 11:36 pm

Monday is here once again! And its monday blues!! Woke up early morning at around 9. Checked mail etc...then bathed and went to clementi to meet miah to get the qm project diskette from him. At first for once in my life..tot i wud be late when meeting him...but we reached at the same time...haiz...cant i be late????let me be late for once can anot??life's so unfair...hehz...
As for now, im listening to this new track by Hoobastank- The reason.....its a nice and meaningful song....and ultimately..its an emo song!!!wohoo..ma favouriteleh...so went to school to meet up with wang and design posters for the bazaar...submitted the diskette to this teacher whom i forgotten...after that went to library with wang to slack...sat at the magazine corner on the 3rd floor. at there i discussed things with him about telling the girl that i like on how to approach the questions and stuffs...tot today i can tell her how i felt about her but time wasnt lenient to me!!!darn!!she was busy today and so i guessed just haf to tell her another day. Then Shiming got gif me this idea on how to make it very memorable...there's this funfair in khatib near her home. Saw the ferris wheel..and idea struck upon my kuku frend who shared with me about it...he said that...one day...at the peak of the ferris wheel...tell her how i felt and stuffs...and it wud be so nice for the memories regardless of the outcome...i gracefully accepted the idea but dunno whether to try that out..haha..indeed i can say its a gd idealah...coz its like so romantic and stuffs..and for me being the one who likes romantic settings for ur info, likes the idea alot...i mean..its really creative on his part...and quite thankful for the idea that he told me...haha....imagine!!!i did that....and miah will be yakking away that i just say and wun do.....tmd...u noe this type of thing u cant plan...it just comes out naturally from ya mouth...so miah..keep ur big hole shut and let me do all the talking now yea?oh back to my daily activity...kinda offtrack here...hehz
after the library incident...went to mambo billiards with jim, played pool for about an hour and a half...today's pool was not that bad...made alot of gd shots..as in those difficult and long range shotslah...quite satisfied with my play today...as long as im happy can alreadylah..haiyoh...then went home..took 852...then at national jc bustop there....damn...those whiz kids board the bus and infest the whole bus!!!smeeeeeellllllyyyyy!!!and the long stretch of the isle on the bus were conquered by those whiz kids...bus journey was slow as there was a jam at macritchie and towards yishun...then met up with jim again at 8.15pm. we went to the gym at yishun stadium and workout like a man! did dunno wat bicep tricep watever cep shit lah...guess im gonna experience some muscleache tmr...but i dun care...got squash training too....im missing that...gotta hit those squash ball...hit them hard...need to improve more on my squash strokes and gameplay...im willing to learn...my tournament will be held during the next semester at NUS...and there will be alot of ppl there to watch us play....
feelings
lost my feelings for her since last sat..i wonder y...but its like..the feelings just come and go like a wind...u noe the monsoon wind?yea...that type lah....mayb that's one of the reasons y i dun want to commit to a relationship...one moment im so for it..and the next...bochap stylo-milo-pillow!haha..is there any such term?what the heck?anyway it rhymes?sounds nice too..hehz...haiyah...y am i liddat?like her just saylah....seelah what happened?like her till lost feelings...shud listen to offspring-feelings...nice song...shout here and there macam no one's business...lim peh kah li kong...oh shit..offtrack again..its supposed to be about feelings!!!y ar?i always offtrack one...tmd....stupid!ok back again...feelings...if only feelings can be redeemed. eg...restore the old feelings or such...wudnt it be great?ok i admit i like her alot...and i mean that...but im so unsure of what she felt....im being long-winded here...i noe i noe....yakking away..but its my blog wat...u want to read its ur problem..no offence...but gotta defend myself...wah..rhyme again sia...sud man!!!haha....bo liao kia...i tink ar...i can published my whole blog into a book sia...everytime i blogged in...its always a long entry...Gareth gates- say it isnt so....u see ar...when i mention song titles...means im listening to it...and they are nice songs...get wat i mean? and it also reflects on my life now...*chorus* say it isnt so..tell me ur not leaving....etc...hhehz..i cant download bon jovi's its my life...then i can like shout here and there...that song just burns in my soul...oh yea!!eh...back to topic again....tmd...offtrack kia...life isnt the same anymore for me when i knew her back again..it just changed completely....if not 100%....its like i haf this new lease of life...given by god...to get in touch back with my old pal...who's just so nice...so almost perfect...so matured...so thoughtful...and always making me happy...whenever i talk to her or wat..craig david-im walking away....its like i haf this new contact person in my hp...and once in awhile i will get sms from her n also some calls...complaining to me about her friends and happenings...she's my closest friend now...for a gal..and many ppl haf been tellin me that there's no such thing as being a close friend with a gal...and inevitably they will be together as they understand each other alot...but i tink it can happen to me being close friend with a gal...its just a question of how open and matured are u...am i right?but since i got feelings for her...so lets just dump the close friend thingy with a gal....let's try to make another option "couple" ....yea..that's the right word now...haha...kinda lame and cranky but who cares? simpleplan-perfect.....wohoo....aiyah...enuf of thislah...gotta go relax in one corner and tink what i wanna do tmr...this week...this month....this yr...this life....

Protect ~ 12:44 am

here i am again!!! Another boring sunday not worth mentioning. Stayed home the whole day and played game, surfed the endless web and slacked at home. Not going to haf school next week as gonna be busy with preparation for the bazaar. haha...lucky me huh? been chatting with Jenn for the past two days..asking her questions about me and her...etc..haha..she also told me that mayb the girl does haf feelings for me...and what am i doing?just ask....but im not going to take the cue too early...Jenn is another pig that i noe recently...another farnee girl also..haha..btw she's in np acc second yr....she flunked her blaw...lolx...said she didnt understand exemption clause that well...*cough*cough* mayb final exam shud go out study with her....then the girl went out to do project at her friend's home...haiz...dun tink we will be talking tonite as i haf to do my project later on...anyways i gaf a morning call to her coz she got paper yesterday...but then she was up when i called her...up earlier than expected...but then she didnt switch on her hp...so i called her countless times trying to get thru....finally she picked up and talked for awhile....then went to french class...gotten my test results back and it was ok lah....cud do better in oral...as for written..can say i did well....then SAB...haha..went for breakfast and then went for his class...we went in late, he also dun mind and he let us off early...haha...shiok man...wohoo...after that went to bukit timah plaza coz i was participating in the pool competition...were playing in the final 16....played against moi first opponent, some guy, well...lost the first rack as i was kan cheong...then whipped him up 3-1 straight away....so out he goes...entered the next round....then i was totally stunned...this guy...assuming he's a billiard player...thrashed me 3-1....ah!!!and the worse thing was that i had the chance to take the first rack...1-0...but the black ball just didnt want to go in..and stayed near the pocket...i was damn pissed....then 2nd rack, he raped me....he break and cleared alot of balls...i kan cheong coz i got so many balls and those obvious sure-go-in shots...just didnt went it...and so he was leading 2-0....the third rack...i took it to 2-1...hoping that i can defeat him...but he's just too much for me....also playing the tournament is another experience...playing infront of crowds and stuffs....anyway gotten my objectives...just go thru the last 8 can liao..haha....slept early yesterday at around 8+ coz i was so tired....wat's with me nowadays..always so tired...ahaha...oklah...gotta get some rest...TIRED!!!

Protect ~ 7:24 pm

what a sleepy sunday. miah and shiming asked me out today. didnt went out today but slept practically the whole day...was too tired from clubbing...haha..my second clubbing in my lifetime..i just sleep sleep and sleepy today...woke up at around 1 today and slept back again at 2+ coz i was so bored...slept till about 6pm and awaked till now...liverpool lost 2-0 to soton but i dun care already...its like too common for them to get this type of results already...so im used to it..and then im gonna comment about how bad they played and gh wud say that pool didnt take their chances well and stuffs...wth....enough about pool and lets just move on yea?
ok chatted with lyn for business law project. chatted with zalina who was my primary school frend but still my np schoolmate till now..talked about alot of things, but she called me first to ask about SAB project..haha...told her to do this and that but my grp haven did a single thing...lolx...also chatted with her today for awhile...feelin uneasy about this issue nowadays but kept on putting a bochap attitute towards her lah...coz i dun want to think too much..but then its like acting up on me...i cant just ignore it right?let's try to forget about that too...chatted with zal about how to go about confronting this issue with her and so on...but it didnt really help much coz i have been hearing the same thing over and over again from other peeps too...well life's like that. going to haf three hours of boring break tmr coz gonna do last minute work on blaw and then submit to teacher by tmr...haiz...tink gonna sleep soon...kinda forcing myself coz gotta wake up at 6 later on...and now its like 2 am...im so gonna lack of sleep for tmr...lucky there's no school on tues.tinking of not sleeping today..haha...but im gonna haf panda eyes tmr...mayb im not going to sleep afterall...gonna play game...haha...final fantasy x-2!!!the game is so fun...and kept dying coz im still not used to the battle system..its like so fast...damn....anyway ciaozlah...wanna play the game now..so gian..!!!

Protect ~ 2:23 am

Had lessons in the saturday morning in school and went home straight after lessons to sleep. Woke up at about 5+ or 6 coz i cant sleep that long nowadays. Anyway called derek and co to ask where were they going to chiong for the nite. Anyway we all didnt noe where to go so met up 10pm at orchard mrt control station. And always as usual...im always the earliest no matter how late i try to be...damn...yuhui came then dan followed by derek...there were only the 4 of us...then we decided to go to chinablack.lolx...and when we were there...met up with our cozmates too...didnt want to mention his name due to privacy and also scared it may bring consequences to his relationship..haha...the dancefloor was packed and there were plenty of chiobus and not forgetting yandaos ok??i also saw my UTM classmate there but didnt say hi to her coz didnt noe her pretty well...the farniest thing that happened yesterday was that a girl try to pick derek up...lolx...saying that derek looked cute to her and stuffs...wth...well she was fat and ugly...so when the girl asked derek for his number, derek countered it by asking her for her number instead...saying that when he's free he will contact her...but then do really think derek want to contact her?haha....hell no man....all of us danced for dunno how long before taking a break. it was so stuffy and smoky there...but the atmosphere was gd...bought drinks and slacked at a corner. and that corner was the entrance to the dancefloor..haha...so we were like looking at everyone who went in and out of the entrance...and so we went in again after our timeout and this time danced at a different spotlah...coz by the time after our timeout...there were more ppl than earlier and its like reaching midnite...so alot of clubbers by then...managed to squeeze in thru the crowd. there was this grp of gals, some shud be from np coz one of them were from my UTM class last semester...and they were our frend'z frendz.yea...after sometime yuhui was feeling unwell in her knees...so she asked me to go out with her outside...before moving off..she was on the floor squatting...something happened to her..dunno wat...but she wasnt drunk...so i brought her to level one and sat outside the building to breathe in fresh air....after that dan joined us and we went to mac to slack...then the rest came down and slacked with us too..haha...slacked till around 3+ before making a move to go home...took cab home and bathed...then ate instant noodles coz was so hungry and slept straight away after that. woke up at 1pm today...then received sms from ppl like miah, sani and shiming. All asked me to go out...im so tired today...dun tink im going out or wat...so shagged....
Friday
Skipped the morning lecture for ecom and went for fpd lec...but attended the ecom lecture in the late afternoon. took my attendance then ciaoz...then nvm...she marked the attendance again...and this time i was absent...wth....kaoz...after ciaozing, dan and me went to westmall to watch butterfly effects there...there was nothing to do after lessons so just catch a show or wat....watched the 5pm show and played arcade before that....then we sat at the leather seats there...u noe eng wah cinemas got this leather seats where u haf to pay more to sit there...but we dun care...we buy the ordinary ticket and sat there. but halfway thru the movie...we kena chased out of the seat and back to the normal seats...haiz...sucks man...but nonetheless we still watch the movie without any further disturbance and the movie was so nice....at first it was quite frightening....with all the blood and violence...then the stupid guy kept on going back to the past to change history and hope that everything will turn out well, but then when u always hope for the better...things tends to cock up and the results--disasterous...haha...so in the end he didnt do anything and even tell the girl to back off from him....and he's living happily...the movie kinda enlightened me on that part..of wat i shud do for my situation...and i haven been tinking much about it this week....im improving as a whole of trying to forget the girl..hhaa....if can i will want to forget everything...but it has happened....happened that i liked her, teased her, listened to her, smsed her, talked to her, met her and missed her. -problem that still lingers in my mind-

Protect ~ 2:21 pm

Hey! It's my second entry for today!!haha...kinda bo liao...well just got home from northpoint. I bought these two vcds...japanese show...yea...got english subs...gonna watch it tonite if possible and mayb later gonna go northpoint again coz i saw this final fantasy x & x-2 vcds....i've been searching for this vcd at choa chu kang earlier but to my dismay...they didnt haf it...so wat such irony that it was found at my dear homeplace yishun...wth...haha...yea...so hoping to get those today...didnt haf the cash just now..very gian to watch those vcds..especially the final fantasy...i love the game..and also the gameline story...very emotional and touching..its always a guy and a grp of friends met along the way to save the world and in the end the enemy is their kin or something liddat...haha....anyway they shud haf game grammys' and stuffs...i wud definitely support FINAL FANTASY X...hehe...ciaoz...

Protect ~ 7:16 pm

Wednesday again! Gotten 3 of my 5 papers...and the grades so far...have been 1C,1C+ and 1B. My aim for this semester is not to get D again like my last one. Life on the whole is getting better, coz im not thinking of being with her...mayb that puts the pressure off my chest...also just chatted with her on the phone...i told her that even i liked a gal now...i wun want to go into relationship..coz im not ready for it and also told her i was confused...haha....so its like indirectly telling it to her..if she gets the hint...if not nvm then..:p ... class ended early today and went to cck lot 1 to look at some vcds...but didnt find what i want...so sianz...tot can buy the final fantasy vcd and watch it today...well today's a boring day similar to the previous ones...its just so boring nowadays...dunno wat to do and also gotta bring lappy for tmr's class...furthermore i got squash training in the evening so i might go home to put the lappy and then go back to school for my training...will be playing friendly against tpjc next tues at 530pm. Its just another friendly match but i wanna whack the balls hard....its been a long time since i went for training...due to exams and study break...yesterday didnt attend coz i had this excruciating headache...so just stayed at home and slept. Its been three solid days of pool for me...kinda find it sianz also...haha...tmr definitely not playing pool coz going home to get my training stuffs and there's no time to play pool after training coz it always ends at 9 and relax then bathed...around 9.30pm...after that a bunch of us wud eat together depending where we want to eat....but so far we haf ate at al-azhar, al-alamein(near the school) and s-11 coffeeshop(amk).Then will be reaching home around midnite or so....and gotta prepare for next day's school...haiz....
gotta kill this restlessness of mine....felt like sleeping too..hehe...weather's so nice, it's drizzling and my fan's blowing at me...wohoo....listening to this dunno wat titled song...kind of settle my inner soul within me...pwah...hehe...i want to buy the final fantasy x-2 international game!!!but my supplier said he wud try to get it for me asap....darn....he's taking quite sometime for it leh....kaoz...when i see him, i gonna hoot him... also im very hungry now...mom haven cook and im lazy to do anything...any kind souls out there who can help me whip out a nice dish?im so famish now....mayb can eat the whole cow or something...mayb its time for me to get outta here and find food for my own survival...

Protect ~ 4:44 pm

Its still raining, even at night! Rained the whole day and it was so boring. Cant do much when it rains man...Luckily i got no school tmr...but got driving lesson in the morning at 10.25am and then mayb gonna play pool or gonna go home..?another alternative wud be going to SP to meet weili there...but i dunno now leh..haha...i was feeling sleepy today andd slept when i reached home...didnt noe i was that tired afterall.
I think the phrase of life that im going thru now is the toughest ever thrown to me. Suffered emotionally but not physically...on the surface it may seems alright but there's alot of unfounded worries brewing inside me. It's like i dun haf any directions in life now...what am i going to do next? or what shud i do next? i have decided that i wanna pursue my studies in australia after my ns, probably gonna go RMIT study there for just a yr...so its like cheap and also fast...been tinking about gaining pr status there too...if only i can work there...i like the pace of life there...not too fast...relax...its still raining....haiz...its so boring nowadays...im always restless, wanting to do something to keep myself busy...cant get myself to rest at home or wat...its always fix on going outside and doing something...as for now...i just need another gd sleep...if possible to forget about all these issues.....life wud seems so simple without all these i tink...
well today had the urge just to sms her to confess about my feelings...saying everything out...but its like so unsincere..so shelved the idea and keep on delaying....mayb not gonna tell at all...who noes..? well relationship...i tink it sucks?haha...no offence to ppl out there but yea..i tink it sucks...although i've been thru a couple of it, i was naive then. i dunno if the other half can accomodate to my capacity of energy and life...its like when u like someone...u will try to do things with them...not saying im selfish but do anyone haf ever think WAT REALLY IS LOVE? i tink there's an endless opinion to it....love...i hate it....its so confusing...anyway always put on a smile for what u haf...coz ur fortunate...not others can understand it...much less me..who's so skeptical about it now...love and turn into enmity between friends and others...frustrating to others...i noe...let's skip this shit now...time for me to sleep...

Protect ~ 11:36 pm

SAT
woke up in the morning to go to school to play soccer against MTE...drew 2-2 with them...with me playing left and right wing during the second half at the school main field...well i had no stamina once again...was pancit again...so sad...well i just had two good moments durin the game..one was straight after second half i tackled the guy, won the ball and dribbled till the corner line before doing a low cross into the box..but gk saved the ball early...another one was a thru ball via my header from goalkick at the centre line...released daniel teo but he didnt take the chance as he was out of pace and the guy was big for him..haha...there was this time, an overhead ball....wanted to take the ball away from him but he used his body against me...referee deemed it as a foul...but i tink it wasnt...haha..kinda fun play match with proper referee...they led the game 2-0 during half time but our team's ah beng scored two goals...pwah...haha...ah beng leh...np soccer league starting soon...dunno i want to play in that team anot..shiming said that i can communicate well with ah beng(han son) but i really haf no stamina..so if i were to play in the np league...i will surely fare badly..considering my standards with them...i am really lousylah...but then the team's captain and vice captain never say anything...also say that i can play in their team...well i dunno..
then bathed at sports complex and ate at kap before playing pool at mambo for just 10 racks...which i dominate...winning 9-1 against shiming..wahhaha...shiok sia...like morale booster pool match with him liddat...then went home after that, online and then sleep..slept for like 3hours only...damn...even my sleeping stamina cant last long...haha...wth right?usually i can sleep for 6 hours after soccer match..but today it was super weird...anyway went out with weilong and sani to coffeeshop at 925...talked cock there for awhile like one hour before going home.
nothing much today...bored..lonely..emotional..stressed...depressed...yea...all nonsense...what can i say?
i tink after what happened today...i've grown more matured in some ways...
that's part of growing up...im still growing and still learning things. i haf set targets for my future...but accomplishing is another question...u write ur own future and ur own history..one way or another...ur frendz will influence how it happened and moulds u the way they treat ya...friendship is an amazing thing and i dun want to lose friendship...now i treasure friendship more than relationship...friends lasts but relationship...it doesnt...
tmr im gonna slack at home...cleaning my room and mayb sleep the whole day after that...there's nothing else i wanna do tmr...might be going to hong kong with my family minus my bro next month..well that depends if i want to miss school..haha...if i go..gonna miss school for the whole week...or mayb there's no school by then...study break?hopefully..anyway also gotta study right?dun want to do badly this semester. Life....

Protect ~ 2:21 am

Life is a rollercoaster....!!
Gotta go sec school on this friday coz got some meeting with the ncos'. so troublesome....nvm lets shock them with my hair..wahhah....ciaoz

Protect ~ 9:44 pm