well its gonna be two complete days in an hour's time without seeing her. i missed her alot....guessed for this time, i've fallen in love in her wholeheartedly. i wonder what's she's thinking. the other half of the answer is with her...although i have never asked her about our relationship...so we assumed that we are really close friends. Closest friend that i think for a guy and girl can be. Maybe this is my first and kinda blockheaded by it. to confess my love to her i tink is similar to suicidal. i also cant concentrate much on my studies...that is alarming!!!never haf i felt this before for the past yrs..i noe its just me but the thing is that i need to solve this asap. when i met shiming just now, he can see the sian look on my face...i didnt realise that till he told me...was really happy to go out with her for the past three days..i dun mind spending my last days with ppl like her who cud just lit up my dark days and stuffs..<---abit emo man...
oh ya...im supposed to be visiting the doc...but kept procrastinatin...tmr before going to school go and see the doc near my house...asked him wat im suffering from man...anyway there's this song by Craig David...You don't miss your water till the well runs dry....i like the song alot...kinda summed up what im feeling and experiencing now...something like it...or near it...
tmr's a brand new day!i hope it turns out well!!!i really do...coz i dun want to feel like this everyday...i haf deviated from my normal life..im just not myself these days...even holding a pen just now is not an easy feat for me. i was like trembling...lolx...farnee man...anyway now its ok...sucky man...im such a pessimist....i always like to think of the worst rather than the good ones...
after the previous relationship, i begin to think that there's no joy in being together with girls as couple...im not tryin to say that im a gay...which im not btw...its like i gaf my all to every relationship and in the end we still end up breaking.OUCH! its like ur starting another relationship and still haf the same ending...at least that applies to me....never say i love u if u dun mean it and never say i miss u if u really dun haf that feelings..it just leads to nowhere...
- empty heart -

Protect ~ 11:17 pm

hello blogger!im back...hmm let me update what exactly happened during the past three days...
Wednesday
fetched weili from her block to dover mrt station. then i saw the guy who liked her...haha...he was smiling from far..but when he saw me and weili standing together he face kinda changed...it was very farnee...yea...coz mayb we were standing quite close..yea...anyway after sending her there..went to np to study...supposed to meet wang to study but then he fly aeroplane the last minute...wat can i say..?its just wang...haha...anyway i wasnt pissed...so i went to the library and studied for awhile before heading for the mags section...to read up on astronomy and cars...kinda bored...then shiming suggested that meeting him up at westmall coffeebean for studying...we fixed the time at 12 to meet...but then weili ended quite early and she was kinda bored..saying she's rotting in her school...and coincidentally i was on 74 going towards dover...so she called me and asked whether want to meet her for awhile...since i was on the way...i accepted the idea of going there and slacked with her during lunchtime at a cafe in her school...well...sp kinda sucks..the ppl and the environment...there we chatted till around 12+ and of coz i was late considering that im meeting shiming at 12..haha...these things...im sure he understood...yea...so i reached there at around 1...and he was there for the whole hour..awww...then his frend came and he taught her maths...i was there slacking around was in no mood to study...then i suggested to go home with her after her lessons during the lunch break...and she agreed to it since we were living quite near...considering its just in yishun..how big can yishun be man?haha...but i smsed her that she come to westmall first before going home....so she came over and slacked there with us till around 5+...then me shiming and her took the same train home but shiming alighted at yishun while we got off at khatib...sent her home on that day...i was so tired on that day...and wang asked me to chill out at town at nite, then miah asked me to play pool at nite too...and my frend asked to slacked at starbucks also....but i rejected all of them coz i was dat tired..so sorry guys...
thurs
woke up in the morning as she's having her lessons at 8..but she didnt go her 8am lessons as she was feeling kinda lousy..so she went for her 10am lesson...chatted with her on the phone accompanying her trip to school..yea....then i asked to meet her for lunch as she got two hours of lunch break...at first i suggested to eat at her school..but she soon replied that mayb can go clementi for lunch or something? so we met at clementi at around noon and went to mac for lunch. i didnt finish my fillet o fish meal coz i just cant eat much now....everytime after eating i felt like puking...its been happening to me for the past few weeks..then she asked me to go to the doctor during lunch...but doctor was closed during lunch...and i also didnt want to go on tat day...but she asked me to go when im free coz she kinda worried..she said mayb i got weak digestion system...coz she also experienced it herself back then during sec school days...so i told her i wud go and see the doc on sat hopefully...then at clementi mrt station saw our primary school frend zalina...then zalina was like i remembered her..but forgot her name...haha..crappy man....well i hope she's not looking much into me and her together....coz her mouth can be lethal....known to be lethal since primary school..haha...(crossing my fingers)...then sent her back to school of business till the stairs at the 6th level...paiseh to send her till her tutorial class..and it was freaking hot on that day man....gosh...so i made my way back to the bustop to go to school again coz i squash training in school in the evening at 5...met shiming and went to play pool for awhile before going over to school for training...during pool session..she called saying that she has ended and asked me what was i doing and where was i...so i told her..and she kinda like...wah so relaxed ah...exams just around the corner...haha....then she asked whether can play squash in my school for awhile...too bad i had to tell her that im having IVP training and mayb there's no chance for her to hit the balls...sad right?then she went home.....and my squash frendz was saying that i looked better...with my new hairstyle and colour..haha....shiok man...then she asked me whether wanna study together on friday at woodlands library...since i got nothing to do so, might as well just study with her...
friday which was today...
met her at woodlands mrt station and coincidentally we got down together at the same time....so i need not wait for her and vice-versa...usually she's late by a couple of minutes lah...haha...went to four leaves at causeway point coz she wants to eat something first and then went to library straight away...we sat at the library's cafe galilee..sat at a corner..coz there was no one around at that time...i studied my blaw on certain chapters and she studied her accounts...i found it farnee today....i was like having this thoughts of holding her hands but of coz i didntlah....then at the cafe we bought drinks...but before that...she was like standing close to me..and tinking wat to buy..then she leaned her head on my shoulder for awhile....i was stunned..but remain calm....yea...im a cool guy right?frendz yea...just frendz..close frendz...didnt want to look more into itlah...later i will confused myself again...she took the drinks to the straws section coz my hands were full...then took the straws and went to our table to start our studying session...after studying for a few hours of which only a few points went to my head...we went to the mags section to read up on some stuffs...she found her materials for her project and asked me to read for her if it's acceptable...and its like 6 pages about dell's success....i was like gonna sleep....then after sometime we went to the 2nd story of the library and printed those pages that she wants...then at that moment also felt like holding her hands coz we were standing quite close...haiz....crappy man....then she didnt noe how to print it...haha..it was so farnee...called her suaku and stuffs...disturb her till i was like so full of it...and she beat me...haiz....then as we were packing up..she wanted to get envelope and stamps...so we went to the post office which was also on the second floor...then i suggested taking the library lift...but then it wasnt connected to the outside..coz the library's entrance was only on the ground floor...then this time its her time to laugh at me...haiyoh...wat a kuku man....on the way down on the escalator..i just grabbed her neck...torture time!!wahaha...it was just an act of fun...then at the post office...another of those crap holding hands moments..haiyoh...but didnt hold lah...bought the stamps and envelope and sent her home till her house there...same place where i sent her home the previous times...so its been three days in a row that i have been meeting her...dun tink can meet her tmr...coz she's having paper tmr....and i gotta see the doc and then going to school to meet up with dan and dunno who else for studies....well that's my story and i just watched along came polly with jim at gv yishun...midnite show at 12.20 ...the show was corny and farnee coz ben stiller considering that he acted in meet the parents...so expect that much of genre from him....and now....i need to sleep....au revoir!

Protect ~ 3:28 am

Freak!!!!! wat's wrong with me today? im feeling so uneasy and worried...so tension and anxious...so worried...so restless...i dun tink i can drag this matter for a long time...and also...i dun wish to drag it...the feelings inside me can just explode any moment...tink i need some sleep...gd sleep...watever it is...i hate this type of feelings...its tearing me apart...:( taking happiness away from me...

Protect ~ 4:42 pm

Yesterday was Val's day. Nothing great on dat day though...just makes me feel more sad actually...haiz....Had school in the morning coz of my IS modules.... Didnt really studied much for my french test yesterday....just oral and dictation test...as for the oral part...i was quite kan cheong as i dunno wat to say but the words just came out of my mouth naturally..haha...my teacher said i was very gd...but i wondered..hmm....am i?let's just leave it to the teacher... le proffeseur Marie....the dictation test was the best....i hope to score at least 17/20....coz it was easy...but cud get spelling mistakes like jeune, i spelt jeunne...haiz....jeune is pretty in french...then got one more answer was like i tink qui est ce?i wrote only qui est....haiz....so its like two wrongs liao...haha...nvm...i must score at least 32/40 for this test to get my A at least...anyway enuf about french...had SAB class after that....we were supposed to present on that day but teacher didnt bring his diskette drive...so we were SAVED again...haha...but in the end he took our softcopy and hear us discuss about our business idea. it was a boring module which everyone hope he/she can skipped the sleepy lesson. after the lesson me wang and miah sat at bench outside the classroom and began discussing about the bazaar that was going to held in our school on week 12 march 22-28. Me wang miah and amanda are the organisers for this bazaar...so we hope that it will be a huge success and a memorable one for us....we discussed issues like suppliers, goods, advertisings, sponsors and etc...its going to be an exciting bazaar...but a tiring one...discussed till around 1+ then went to canteen 1 to eat and then discussed with wang only till around 2+ coz miah had to go off...ktv on that day was cancelled and i slept till around 6 in the evening. the moment i woke up was...i called weili...dunno y i called her first...talked to her for awhile coz her cousin was there too...talked to her cousin too...she was cute..she also got asked me questions like wat ur doing and stuffs..haha....in return i also asked her that and plenty other stuffs.i bathed and ate abit before going out at 8. then at yishun mrt station, jonathan just barged in and stand beside me...i tot who the hell this person is trying to get close to....i noe if someone gets close to me...surely its my frnd.then turned out to be him...its been a long time since i met him...luckily we were on the same way to town...his orchard while mine somerset...talked talked talked inside the train but realise that the train trip was so short...haha...time flies when ur really talking..he went to meet his gf for a dinner at taka i tink....i went to meet dan first at somerset mrt station..then went to a pub at cuppage there to drink...yuhui joined us at around 10+ tink close to 11...watched manure vs mancity there...a very happening match and the table beside us were freaking noisy...especially this guy...he's so childish...haiz...then yesterday i talked about my worries and stuffs with dan and yuhui....i said all i want yesterday and im still feeling it today...the feeling of uncertainty and anxiousness. but i hope to clear this feelings within this coming week before the study break. these days i dunno y i always wanna puke after eating or drinking...but yesterday...hoho...i puke while sitting down...didnt aim at dan lah...but puke behind me...its been a long time since i puke...and its so gross...haha....broke out in cold sweat too...my legs were jelly and my mind's wandering but managed to get back on track after going to the toilet...dan brought me to the toilet at holiday inn hotel.....tink my face was pale at that moment...then went back feeling fresh...i tink that the road infront of me leads to nowhere....

Protect ~ 1:59 pm

Well....today's the DAY!!!i just reached home anyway. i had classes at 8am today like any other ordinary day but i skipped the 1pm lecture so that i can go home and sleep and remain fresh for the whole day. even when i was taking the bus just now...i almost fell asleep....i was that tired afterall. so i went home to sleep and woke up at around 2.30pm. We supposed to meet at 3.30 at dhoby ghaut mrt station. I tot i was late....hoho...but then she was later than me by a few mere minutes...so i purposely make a big fuss out of it...haha...:p ....say this and that....but its all kiddinglah...u tink im a serious guy meh? so we went to ps and head straight for gv....stand there for quite sometime deciding on wat to watch..haha...quite funny..we were like...anythinglah...wat u wanna watch?quick chooseleh...lolx...both of us kinda depended on each other for the decision...i want to let her make the decision as i dun want her to fall asleep in the cinema u see....in the end i bought two tickets for torque at 4.20pm show....after buying the tickets, we went a few floors below us and walk walk.....then came to this "cutey" shop where they sell all those stylo milo thingys....like watch, stuffed toys and etc..u get wat i mean....then came to this ashtray....then she bombed me...i smoked right?then i was shocked, i was taken aback...so i answered her a big NO...she said she can smell me....i was like huh?then i told her my bro smoked and my jacket was in his cupboard....so yea..she understands...wah liao....heng sia..so it was about time to watch the movie...i bought drinks and went in with her....we sat and talked for awhile before the movie starts..torque sucks to the max man....i hate that movie...it was so super boring....haiz...shud haf watched others instead....after movies, we went to eat....so we took the lift and i pressed b2...coz she asked me where shud we go? so we suggested together to eat...and walked and walked at b1 and b2! after the movie, i put my jacket into her sling bag. then i carried it for her too coz it was like my jacket was inside...so let me be the gentleman for the day right?haha...then she went to withdraw her money at b1...so queued with her...coz the queue was super long...so i carried her bag for the whole day till her house there. we went to pizza hut to eat and ordered a dunno wat set meal cosists of two personlah....ate this chicken ole baked rice which was not that nice...and i got no appetite today...so didnt eat much...both of us cant finish the foodleh...kaoz...we sat there till around 8.30 before deciding to go home coz she wanted to buy fruits for her sister...we talked alot at pizza hut and it was quite fun being with her...she's such a nice gal. then took train together till khatib and walked with her to buy the fruits and also dog food...then sent her home at her floor landing there...now i noe where she lives exactly liao..wahaha...but so wat...lolx...after that i went home...and called her to tell her that i reached home...coz tat's wat she always tell her frendz when they send her home...oklah got to stop here...need to take out my contacts and rest awhile...im quite tired...ciaoz...

Protect ~ 10:24 pm

Let's start with friday's soccer match which was two days ago....well we were SUPPOSED to play with the yr1s...but in the end they put aeroplane again!!!i mean...even if they were not coming...at least haf the decency to inform us right? well they didnt and just left us dry down there...luckily there were a grp of chinese ppl from china playing soccer...so we invited them to a game of soccer on the field...heng ah...or else i will be super pissed coz i came and there's no opponent...well i scored three fast goals to score a hattrick.:D told some of my frendz that if i dun score hattrick i will not go home..but will stay on the field..lolx....i found out that my fitness level have gone up and its a gd thing for me...i tink its due to squash trainings....it was super intensive on tues...but slacked abit on thursday..haha...i can still run and run without feeling tired...wah...new lease of life...wohoo....liddat if i keep on training liddat...i can play for as long as i can...shiok...i like the feelin...haha...well giap was the man of the match...he scored a terrific goal before dribbling past few players...he was AWESOME!!anyway i also put in a gd performance...enough about that...lets talk about today...well woke up at 12+ and slacked around before meeting miah at mambo with his frend to play pool.played till around 7 then ciaoz...met dan at westmall.wanted to drink at coffeebean but end up at s11 there....coz coffeebean was super packed with ppl...damn it...and also bumped into benjamin and his gf again!!!haiz...the world is getting smaller...eversince i met him....been bumping into him endlessly. we sat and talk cock at the coffeeshop till 10pm.
well she got home from malaysia today...she dyed and permed her hair...at first she sent me her mms...it wasnt that nice...till i reached home and saw her pic at frendster...it was gorgeous. then at the coffeeshop also got talked to her...on my way home at yew tee there...she called me and chatted till i got home....then upon reaching home talked to her for awhile till around 11.20 or so...she wanted to bath so ya...just put down the phone. i felt so great when talking to her...yupyup...she's just that almost perfect....(yea right...)....haha....but i tink so lah..then i asked her to give me wakeup call/sms tmr morning even though her lesson starts at 9am tmr...haha...see whether she can wake up anot...hope she can wake me up....then she's the first person whom i will talk for the day....isnt that amazing?haha..crap...her classmate jioing her...kinda felt uneasy..but soothened after she told me that she dun like him...haha...but still its not that secure...hmmm....wat shud i do next ah?

Protect ~ 12:32 am

Well a sucky day to start with. 8am lesson as usual!!!darn i hate! anyway to start with, global logistics management practical. Waited for miah at clementi for 20 minutes..so he owe me 20 minutes...wahaha...so reached class late but teacher didnt really care....neither did we...lolx..after that fpd pratical...taught by yeo eng hwa...power...sat there for like 12-20 minutes than can ciaoz...coz its just two questions to be done on DS window...watever that program is, im getting sick of it...let's just skipped those norm parts...anyway tat's wat i think..its norm right?unless its sooo special and so meaningful...managed to book my practicals today, so went to bbdc with derek. and at bukit gombak mrt station, bumped into benjamin, his gf and jiarong...finally got to see her...she changed so much..but still retain her voice i think..tat's all...then ate at macds first before going to bbdc...my instructor today was sialan at first...but after a while...tings started to look much more better...he kept calling me mat...he's a malay btw...so its like...huh?mat?got link meh?anyway mayb that's how he addressed others?watever it is...we didnt talk much at first....but during the s course and vertical parking...wah...sibei talk cock.....lolx...that's the nature of the instructors....they need to talk to accompany their inner soul after a day at work....so sad....awww....oklah so i also talk cock with him and he taught me good tips for parking.....power...haha....he said those with specs often got double vision during parking and they didnt managed to do parking properly....but me?i was those gifted ones...lolx...he said im those special ones that can do parking with my specs on....wth...anyway...parking was fun....let's skip those too....so went home via mrt and rest for awhile before bathing. while restin she messaged me...sounded so happy...went shopping with her frend at ps and bought a top and a water bottle..haha...crap....im so glad that she's fine now and happy.she asked whether i want to chat with her.so after bathing i called her but she didnt pick up the phone...so i ate first...while eating, she called me...apologised to me for not picking up the call...then i asked to talk to her later as i was eating and called her straight after that. so we talked for awhile before she went out to meet her frend to do their homework...and she asked me to meet her to help her with it...but i was so tired....so i told her i cant make it...yea....she sibei high today sia...dunno y...was so full of life while i was soooo down with depleted energy...gosh...dun tink i can handle her just now..i was like studying and also trying to talk to her...wat did i study?hmm...i studied fpd....and to my surprise...the quiz on this friday is worth only 5%...!!!!and haf to study heuristic approach, brute force method, from-to chart and the stupid seven steps thingy...dunno wat's called!so i did my work after that and also did my blaw hwk for tmr's presentation. Tutorial 2 question 2....i found it hard to believe that the answer was so short when the question was quite long....so i called lynette up and asked her whether the answer was really that short...she too told me the answer was short...haha....crap man....so i just go ahead and do it...but didnt really write it as i haf to do it by usin microsoft words and then tmr we'll see how it goes. and i haf to wait till NOW coz my bro was using my lappy....i was so freaking tired that i asked him to continue his movie tmr....i was like so stressed just now...coz tired...then not being able to do my work!!!the anger in me just builds up when he says laterlah...laterlah....tmd...haha....nvm....
about her....hmm....let's just say im at crossroads again....seriously speaking...i dunno wat to do now....tink my confidence level has just been shakened...i wonder y....i tink im a fickled-minded person....i really cant make a decision at this point of time...but let's just see how thing goes....anyway tink i gotta sleep....my eyelids are too heavy...i cant handle it anymore...au revoir!!

Protect ~ 1:46 am

February is here!!!wohoo....im waiting for this stupid 8am semester to end!!! Let's see what i did today? well woke up at 11am and went to eunos. At eunos kena nagged nagged and nagged....haiz...endless nagging....felt like wanna say...."eh, i had enuf of this shit. Cant i do my own ways?"haha... then i went home around 7pm....on the way home, i experienced headache, shoulder ache and stuffs....im a weak person..haha...i think its because i went jogging that nite then never really warmed up properly....the muscleache on my thigh has gone. It feels so gd....oh my....im determined to clock below 11 for my 2.4km. just take it slowlyman.....anyway there's no school tmr but im going back to school to play badminton in the afternoon and then squash training in the evening. So kinda spent the whole day there.amazing right?haha...she's sick today...kinda worried for her man....but what can i do?just tell her to do this and that....kinda felt that im so useless....if only....IF ONLY....i can help her...she told me yesterday that her friends are hinting to her that one her classmates liked her....a guy junior one yr...then its like i told her to gif that guy a chance lah....(acting that i didnt like her)...and telling her so what the guy is younger than her....also she told me that both of them got their fashion sense right together....so its like i told her that surely they will get along well...(grindin my words at that part)....i sounded happy for her..(which i acted again)...nowadays she kept asking me whether i got call the sp gal(which is her)...and i didnt tell her much...haha....how i wish i was sick...super sick...and mayb bloody sick?im so fed up with myself...always avoiding the issues about her that i liked her...jason mraz-you and i both.....is a super nice song...
i dunno should i tell her or just leave it to fate....gif her time to decide about her classamate....who noes they went together soon...i dunno...but i just hope that she's happy with her decision...as a frend i dun want to see her unhappy. she also told me that im one of her few frendz that she bothered to talk on the phone for sometime...coz others who called her...she would like talked shortly with them....she will only talked to those whom she has respect for...like me?haha...dohz...i was her primary school frend...hence i was granted that special priviledge....wahaha...crap! nolah...its just that i tink we got alot to talk together and etc. yesterday when she told me that her classmate was so called jioing her...i was kinda worried....hhaha...worried that i will lose to that guy if i never do anything fast? but i tink better let fate decides coz i dun want to rush the whole thing...let's take things slowly yea?mayb after yesterday, i realise that she's really quite important to me...but as a frend..i shud be extremely happy for her...but i sort of worried...mayb im jealous or wat?i've grown within her company...hope to be with her soon....
i've said this to daniel...and i will say it again....she will be my last girl that i will jio(if i put enuf effort) and if i never get to be with her....tat will be the final straw.i ain't going to court other girls again....im just kinda frustrated with myself for this type of thing and mayb just let me be free from relationship stuffs...to put it in exact words...Im tired of these courtship thingy...i will just let go....daniel asked me, "faizal, do u believe in true love?" and i replied, "daniel, true love doesnt exists for me till i experience it for myself"...and the story goes....

Protect ~ 10:41 pm